You Can take the Bitch out of the Ghetto...

Ever wonder what would happen if you gave Joe Dirt 15 Million $$ and made him British ??
Wonder no more, this is some funny shit.
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Rita Baby, Where's the Satisfaction ??

My last entry was last Wednesday. I went home and just relaxed knowing Thursday I was going to have to really get the house and plan together. So Thursday morning one of my very good friends and ex-girlfriend calls, she is about 10 miles out of town and totaled her truck. No big deal, right, well up until 2 days ago I was living with my ex-wife who just happens to hate EGF (ex-girlfriend). So I had and beg & plead for EW (ex-wife) to have some mercy and allow EGF to stay with us for the hurricane. Houston was evacuating and the closest person to EGF was about a 6 hour drive, no hotels, no rental cars, and a couple of rednecks who offered to put her up. Anyways EW agrees, I knew she would that is why I married her, she is the coolest.

So for a couple of hours things were a little weird, but overall everyone was getting drunk and having fun. There's not much more to my hurricane story because as you all know, it turned and headed towards Beaumont, the opposite side of Houston.

Did I mention that my neighbors, who left town, have a pool and a freezer full of steaks, so we grilled out at the pool and drank heavily, it was a lot of fun and the two important people in my life have become friends. Thanks Rita honey.

Speaking of Rita, I bought a lot of non-perishable food and did a lot of work all for nothing. I am really glad she changed course, but I really was feeling unsatisfied. Friday night when she hit Beaumont, it barely rained and the winds were pretty lame by me. I wanted some excitement, some drama, but not too much, I want to protect and take care of the two women I love most in the world. We didn't even lose our cable.

Alright fuckers, that is all the personal info you are getting out of me for a long time.
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Rita, Bring it on Beotch !!!

As some of you may or may not know, I live in Houston.
I generally don't blog about myself, but it's this yankee's first Hurricane.

Serious pandemonium has set in. Last night I thought everyone was acting a little too cautious, my feeling was big deal, a hurricane, some wind, some rain, and some flooding. Well the more I drove around the more I realized this is the real deal, we are in the path of a cat4 hurricane. Rumors of Walmart mania and lines at the gas pumps started to really sink in.

I still wasn't convinced until I read the paper. Bill White our mayor has mandated an evacuation to begin at 6 tonight for Galveston and most of the communities between Galveston and Houston. He also requested all medium and large companies to let all non-essential people off Thursday and Friday.

So hung over and a bit anxious I went to the grocery store before work. It seriously looked like the looting had already started. The entire drink isle had maybe a total of twenty mismatched bottles. I just happened to be there when the soda man brought in a pallet of water, needless to say it never made it to the shelves. I have reverse osmosis water filter and plenty of a fresh water at home, but I still felt the need to grab a case of bottled water.

I am set, got my water, spaghettos, beer, and flashlights. But no D batteries. I have checked everywhere, no batteries. I will go out in my garage and listen to my truck radio if it gets nasty, but I do not have a working flashlight. I never do.

A couple of notes:
What the fuck is up with lines at the pumps and some stations without gas. There hasn't been any damage yet. I know they are either gouging and/or holding what they have so they can gouge next week. I know that is what they do, but to be so blatant and... whatever, this isn't ice cream, this is the fuel that will take people out of town and the fuel that will save lives and some corporate schmoe is going to try and make a buck.

I work at a large company, so I have Thursday and Friday off. Very cool. I hate my job so bad, I would rather weather out a hurricane without cable or electricity then sit at this desk. At least I can drink beer and scratch my scrotum.

My plan is pretty simple, if it looks like it's going to hit with a cat5, I am out, if not I am going to wrestle my first hurricane. I live on the skirts of the city and drive a Rover, so I can get out of here quickly should the need arise. I would leave if the nearest hotel room wasn't 200 miles and I didn't have a dog.

Anyways, time to start my 4 day weekend. I have two whole days before me and Rita go toe to toe.
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The Road to Recovery

Not a big John Kerry fan.
But sometimes he really cracks me up.

"I know the President went on national television last week and accepted responsibility for Washington's poor response to Katrina. That's admirable. And it's a first. As they say, the first step towards recovery is to get out of denial."

Recovery, what a dig, I love it.
See what JK had to say over at The Raw Story.
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I Love Animals, but....

People vs Animals.
Sometimes a picture says it all. Check the dates.
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Monday Press Briefing

MR. McCLELLAN: ...But this President, from day one, has been acting boldly to address these issues and to achieve results.

Q If he was so bold, why do we have 37 million people living below the poverty line?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, do you want me to go back and talk about the economy?

Q I mean, if his policies are so great.

MR. McCLELLAN: I'll be glad to go -- more Americans are working than ever before, Helen. We've --

Q Thirty-seven million below the poverty --

MR. McCLELLAN: -- seen the unemployment rate drop to 4.9 percent because of the action that this President has taken. We've seen more than 4 million jobs created since May of 2003.

Scotty, Scotty, Scotty. So if there are more jobs and more people in poverty, isn't it fair to say that maybe those jobs aren't real good ones ?? Shouldn't Americans expect more from their leadership then povery paying jobs ??
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Hanging Chad Days

What do the following have in common ?

• cronyism
• insurgents
• sloganeering
• enemy combatants
• armies of compassion
• compassionate conservative
• the global struggle against violent extremism

Words and phrase not used in daily vocabulary before the days of the "hanging chad".

Estate Tax

Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions is trying to find wealthy dead bodies in LA. Why, because he wants to find someone who has suffered from Katrina and the estate tax. Let me repeat, some idiot wants to find a family who is going to pay estate taxes because their loved one died in Katrina.

He's running into one major problem, all the rich people left town. If only they had had enough foresight to leave a couple of rich old people they could have had a couple bodies to parade around and maybe they might have been able to convince the masses that no very rich family should have to suffer twice.

Keep in mind, AL is a poor state and the estate tax only applies to 534 people it in 2001. Our tax dollars at work.

Read Here

To Light or Not to Light

So Bush made his speech from a lit up New Orleans, amazing.
No wait, according to Brian Williams (MSNBC Anchor), who was at the scene, the lights were turned on 30 mins before Bush arrived and an hour after he left.

They locals were ecstatic when the lights came on and left in despair when they went out.

This truly is a man with absolutely no shame and so is the main stream media for not illuminating his shamelessness.

It Wasn't Us it was the Environmentalists

Justice Department hard at work again with emails:
"Has your district defended any cases on behalf of the (US) Army Corps of Engineers against claims brought by environmental groups seeking to block or otherwise impede the Corps work on the levees protecting New Orleans? If so, please describe the case and the outcome of the litigation."

In real terms, can anyone help Bush deflect some of the under-funding heat by claiming environmentalists actually hampered the Army Corps of Engineers, anyone, anywhere, please !!!

Is anyone surprised ??

Knew Knew Brownie was Leaving

Bush with reporters on Monday:

"Q: Can you tell us, have you accepted the resignation of Michael Brown, or have you heard about it?
THE PRESIDENT: I haven't -- no, I have not talked to Michael Brown -- or Mike Chertoff; that's who I'd talk to. As you know, I've been working. And when I get on Air Force One, I will call back to Washington. But I've been on the move."

I don't know what to make of this, is Bush really saying that in the middle of a National crisis he hasn't spoken with the Director of FEMA ? I have a hard time believing the Bush didn't know, so what was his motivation in telling reporters that he hasn't spoken with Brownie or Chertoff ?

Doctor's Killing patients ??

The Sunday Mail:
"With gangs of rapists and looters rampaging through wards in the flooded city, senior doctors took the harrowing decision to give massive overdoses of morphine to those they believed could not make it out alive."

This is one of the most difficult articles I have read.

Can You Say Utter Incompetence ??

Bob Harris has it wrapped up.